Since my recent decision to share my story. I’ve also decided to seek counseling help through this journey. I’m not sure if when I really begin opening up and sharing all the details of the abuse, molestation, and rape incidents. If I will start feeling depressed, anxious, or triggering my PTSD. Therefore I am taking the necessary steps to take care of my mental and emotional health.
I went to my admissions appointment last week. I received a call from the gentlemen who did my admissions. He informed me that the counselor I was seeing before had a full schedule. Unfortunately, she is unable to take on anymore patient. He offered to match me with another counselor. I wanted to give up the idea of counseling. I felt anxious of the thought of having to get comfortable with a new counselor. I’ve been going back and forth in my head about this situation. I want what’s comfortable and easy. Finding a counselor that you’re comfortable with is 100% a daunting challenge.
Tonight I decided to take on this challenge with a different approach. Instead of feeling down and hopeless about this situation. I am choosing to look at it from a different perspective. I do believe that things happen for a reason. I’m not going to live my life in the comfort zone “bubble”. What fun is that? Mingling with new people use to raise my anxiety to a high level. Especially a person I’m going to be sharing my deepest darkest struggles and reliving the past. The question now becomes: do I let my challenge control me or do I take full control?
I’m taking full control of this because it’s my life. I want the very best for myself foremost. The absolute best of myself to give to my friends, family, and all the new people I encounter. If I’m not healthy how can I help others? My goal is to heal and empower anyone reading this journey of mine.
I was 10 yrs old, the first day of my Forever foster home.